the one about competition behaviour analysis...

The silver lining behind the darken clouds.
To the eliminateds, never give up pursuing!

Last night was the first episode of the quarter finals. I was there as usual (really what’s new?). Result wise.. Being the patriotic Singaporean, Of coz i was glad Andie, Jeneen & Weilie got through. Though Kola being booted, was kind of surprising. I always thought that the judges loved her. But from past experience, having a juicy role seemed to be the factor that determine one's fate, instead of how well your acting is.

Besides mourning for the eliminated parties, I was more visibly upset about the vibes some contestants seemed to be emitting. I went home last night with a heavier then usual heart. The ugly truth was “showhand-ed” last evening. Besides the few peeps that I’ve bonded closely to, a few others seemed kinda “very surface”. Which I seriously don’t understand why, like why do they even bother doing that and to ME too? Hello?! I’m out, eliminated, no more fighting. So would a more sincere smile and conversation kill you?

Anyway doesn’t matter, I’ve made my share of good friends and ultimately, a competition will always be a competition. Hidden agendas, jealousy and snide remarks are just a few terms that will always be associated with competitions. It was just me being idealistic and silly to think that our relationship will survive the tribulations of the competition. But Humans are ugly, especially when you want to win and you know perhaps you might not have the whole package of deserving it. So you try other means to get there.

Moral of the story: Learn to open your eyes, be kind to fellow beings but also be clear of the situation and of coz be selective.

As Sze Han says... Life suck!

the one about my favourite song..

当我和世界不一样那就让我不一样
坚持对我来说就是以刚克刚
我如果对自己不行如果对自己说谎
即使你不原谅我也不能原谅
最美的愿望一定最疯狂
我就是我自己的神在我活的地方
我和我最后的倔强握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂就这一次我和我的倔强
对爱我的人别紧张我的固执很善良
我的手越肮脏眼神越是发光
你不在乎我的过往看到了我的翅膀
你说被火烧过才能出现凤凰
逆风的方向更适合飞翔
我不怕千万人阻挡只怕自己投降
我和我最后的倔强握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂就这一次我和我的倔强
就这一次让我大声唱
lalalala...
就算失望不能绝望...
lalalalala...
就这一次我和我的倔强

I love this song becauz it speaks of self-believe, passion and that never give up fighting for it.

the one about Star Search Top12...

Last night marks the final round of the Star Search Preliminary Round. Somehow everything seems calmer, less crying, less drama - or maybe its just because there are lesser people to crowd the stage as the week passes on.

So now all 12 finalist are out! Can check out the Star Search webbie to find out who they are. Congratulations to all of them, please do me a kind favor and NOT ask me who I think will win.

While surfing through some polls on xin.sg, i came across the photo shoot that we did during the earlier days and playing back those images of what went on at the photo shoot that day brings a smile to my face.

Looking at the photos, I remember what a hard time we had that day, trying to angle our face to capture the light, so that we will all have seemingly super sharp jawline.
To top it off, we all had to do the Jawline jawline thing without smiling (aka acting cool) and for the first time in my life, i felt that not smiling was the hardest thing to do ever!
Because of the way my lips were structured, i keep getting comments like, eh this picture cannot la, she's smiling!! and i would be thinking "eh! i never smile wat! I really never smile! why you all keep saying i SMILE! arrr!!"

In the picture above the message we were trying to give is "we are cool, but we are not proud beings", sooooo wat do you think? Did we manage to give you guys that "FEEL" (a term frequently used in the industry).

the one about back to work day 1...

After 2.5 months of break, I'm finally back, sitting on my same old table in my office. Nothing changed, just probably more construction sites appearing everywhere around Tanjong Pagar area.

Since morning, i have done absolutely nothing except surfing net, chatting, reading online papers, forums and blogging. Perhaps i should just leave early, since I'm basically - rotting, but then if i were to go off and end up shopping and spending again, then it seems perhaps i am better off sitting in front of this computer.

I was very unwilling to come to work this morning, but still i dragged myself here coz i needed $$$ to top up my depleting bank account. I even teared a little last night while transferring my stuff from my weekend bag to my work bag, it felt like i was being kicked out of my wonderland and back into the REAL WORLD. that feeling sucked.

Weeks ago, during the competition, i doubted & questioned myself many times, can i do it, do i love it, will i be able to deliver, can i handle the pressure bla bla bla. Even till the very last week prior to the competition, i still had those thoughts floating around my brain. I guess perhaps it was these uncertainties that brought about my elimination? or maybe not?

During my 2 weeks break, after watching more of us being eliminated and chatting with the people who made it into the semi's, i started feeling the loss and pain of being eliminated. I am darn envious.
I woke up one morning and realize how much i yearn to have a script to memorize and a character to play. The saying "you never know how much it means, till you lose it" never felt more apt.